"Hi, I'm Heather Bresch, and I'm here to talk to you about our newest product: EpiPenis."
Underneath her winning smile, the former CEO of Mylan handled her disgrace with the utmost decorum in her new position of spokesgirl. After 28 years, rising in the ranks from data entry clerk to the highest echelons of industry, her whole career amounted to this. Doing ads for high tech sex toys. She wanted to believe they would be used for dignified settings like doctor offices or shareholder meetings, but she knew the truth. They would end up on Pornhub, YouPorn, RedTube, anywhere with a market for the dumb and horny.
Like her. Image, anyway. She managed to skate by on her father's clout for years, sliding into promotions while lying about an MBA degree she never earned. But the fallout of that lie at West Virginia University was only the start of her woes. It was her hearing on EpiPen prices in the House of Representatives that truly destroyed her.
Muddled. Incompetent. Unprepared. These were the nicer things people said of her performance as she stammered through questions, failing to answer any of them while useless papers sat on her table. None of them contained facts about revenue or assistance programs like the House requested. By the time she left that hearing, she had a brand new reputation as a spoiled rich bimbo sucking money from the needy to line her own pockets. She had only one recourse left: resign.
Too bad Mylan had other ideas. The moment her letter hit their desks, Mylan went to work on turning it into a public image gold mine. Heather was to blame, for everything. That's what their press releases said. It was only right for the bimbo to make up for it with her only real talents.
Bringing her to today, standing in front of a camera, ready to ruin her reputation all because of a contract she never read. The price of relying on her dad's connections all her life were clear now, but she didn't have time to think much about them. She had a sex toy to sell.
"You may be asking yourself, what's EpiPenis? That's easy, like me. EpiPenis is short for Epic Penis, but there's nothing short about this beauty. You can make it as deep or as wide as you want. It knows your size, your depth, your grip, what makes you wet. It knows your body better than you do. It can even find your clit, and we can all use a little help with that, am I right ladies?"
She laughed. A fake, empty laugh. It distracted her from the shame of turning her body into a sales prop.
She lifted her loose, bright orange dress to reveal the EpiPenis lodged in her pussy. Shaved bald down below, her grand unveiling showed the Mylan logo clearly to prove its authenticity. A tap of a button on her smartphone app caused the logo to light up. The gears inside whirred to life. It warned of the live demonstration to come, but she maintained her fake excitement at this groundbreaking device.
"With our EpiPenis app, all it takes is a tap and you're off to the races! Don't believe me? Watch."
The hum as she let it loose started calm. But as it kicked into gear, revving up, so did its loud buzzing.
"IT HAS A SILENT MODE TOO," Heather shouted. "BUT I LIKE TO BE A NOISY SLUT."
Her hand gripped the chair next to her as she started to feel it. It got tighter and tighter with how hard the EpiPenis went, demolishing her cunt with the highest settings while who knew how many viewers would get to watch. She would never have set it this high if the script hadn't required it. Sweating profusely and soaking her dress, she reached the climax of her commercial at the same time she did.
"BUT THE REAL STRENGTH OF EPIPENIS ISN'T THE DEVICE, IT'S OUR SPECIAL BRAND OF FEMALE VIAGRA. THE EPIPENIS SHOOTS A NICE WHITE HOT INJECTION AT THE PEAK OF ORGASM TO GUARANTEE A FULL NIGHT OF HARDCORE SEX, EVEN FOR OLD COUGARS LIKE ME."
Unlike her degree, this wasn't a lie. It blasted in her as her knees buckled and quaked. She kept her posture while panting, completely flushed. As the device died down for its programmed refraction period, Heather gasped and moaned through echoes in her raw pussy. This round by itself would be enough to do her in, but it wasn't the worst part.
"If you want... real... power. Something that can lay someone like me out. Buy the best. Buy epic. Buy the EpiPenis."
The worst part was the long night of additional takes ahead of her.
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Heather Bresch's EpiPenis
"Hi, I'm Heather Bresch, and I'm here to talk to you about our newest product: EpiPenis."
Underneath her winning smile, the former CEO of Mylan handled her disgrace with the utmost decorum in her new position of spokesgirl. After 28 years, rising in the ranks from data entry clerk to the highest echelons of industry, her whole career amounted to this. Doing ads for high tech sex toys. She wanted to believe they would be used for dignified settings like doctor offices or shareholder meetings, but she knew the truth. They would end up on Pornhub, YouPorn, RedTube, anywhere with a market for the dumb and horny.
Like her. Image, anyway. She managed to skate by on her father's clout for years, sliding into promotions while lying about an MBA degree she never earned. But the fallout of that lie at West Virginia University was only the start of her woes. It was her hearing on EpiPen prices in the House of Representatives that truly destroyed her.
Muddled. Incompetent. Unprepared. These were the nicer things people said of her performance as she stammered through questions, failing to answer any of them while useless papers sat on her table. None of them contained facts about revenue or assistance programs like the House requested. By the time she left that hearing, she had a brand new reputation as a spoiled rich bimbo sucking money from the needy to line her own pockets. She had only one recourse left: resign.
Too bad Mylan had other ideas. The moment her letter hit their desks, Mylan went to work on turning it into a public image gold mine. Heather was to blame, for everything. That's what their press releases said. It was only right for the bimbo to make up for it with her only real talents.
Bringing her to today, standing in front of a camera, ready to ruin her reputation all because of a contract she never read. The price of relying on her dad's connections all her life were clear now, but she didn't have time to think much about them. She had a sex toy to sell.
"You may be asking yourself, what's EpiPenis? That's easy, like me. EpiPenis is short for Epic Penis, but there's nothing short about this beauty. You can make it as deep or as wide as you want. It knows your size, your depth, your grip, what makes you wet. It knows your body better than you do. It can even find your clit, and we can all use a little help with that, am I right ladies?"
She laughed. A fake, empty laugh. It distracted her from the shame of turning her body into a sales prop.
She lifted her loose, bright orange dress to reveal the EpiPenis lodged in her pussy. Shaved bald down below, her grand unveiling showed the Mylan logo clearly to prove its authenticity. A tap of a button on her smartphone app caused the logo to light up. The gears inside whirred to life. It warned of the live demonstration to come, but she maintained her fake excitement at this groundbreaking device.
"With our EpiPenis app, all it takes is a tap and you're off to the races! Don't believe me? Watch."
The hum as she let it loose started calm. But as it kicked into gear, revving up, so did its loud buzzing.
"IT HAS A SILENT MODE TOO," Heather shouted. "BUT I LIKE TO BE A NOISY SLUT."
Her hand gripped the chair next to her as she started to feel it. It got tighter and tighter with how hard the EpiPenis went, demolishing her cunt with the highest settings while who knew how many viewers would get to watch. She would never have set it this high if the script hadn't required it. Sweating profusely and soaking her dress, she reached the climax of her commercial at the same time she did.
"BUT THE REAL STRENGTH OF EPIPENIS ISN'T THE DEVICE, IT'S OUR SPECIAL BRAND OF FEMALE VIAGRA. THE EPIPENIS SHOOTS A NICE WHITE HOT INJECTION AT THE PEAK OF ORGASM TO GUARANTEE A FULL NIGHT OF HARDCORE SEX, EVEN FOR OLD COUGARS LIKE ME."
Unlike her degree, this wasn't a lie. It blasted in her as her knees buckled and quaked. She kept her posture while panting, completely flushed. As the device died down for its programmed refraction period, Heather gasped and moaned through echoes in her raw pussy. This round by itself would be enough to do her in, but it wasn't the worst part.
"If you want... real... power. Something that can lay someone like me out. Buy the best. Buy epic. Buy the EpiPenis."
The worst part was the long night of additional takes ahead of her.