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Random captions whenever I get a wild hair to make them. No schedule or consistent pattern.

Milana Vayntrub's 5Gs


"Hi, it's Lily, the slut from AT&T. Today I'm here to talk to you about my Gs."

Milana Vayntrub quietly sighed as she presented her girls in her bathroom. The low hanging dress framed them perfectly to her newly eager fans. Pushed up, pressed together, cleavage bared, it offered up her rack as a feast of the eyes racking up likes by the millisecond. Precisely the effect intended for this all-out marketing campaign meant to make the most of their e-fame.

When she renewed her contract, she thought the company had her back. And her front. Their public statements and comment deletions signaled full support in a time when most companies would treat the comments she received like a routine outcome of great advertising. Little did she know, buried in the fine print of what she had signed, was a clause designed to make her breasts the real star. Acting, writing, producing, all her other projects went out the window to satisfy terms which said she had to pamper her pair of money makers under the employ of their new owner, AT&T.

Why? To sell plans and product. It worked too. Profits soared over the past twelve months thanks to her busty pals showing up on subways and billboards across the nation. With sales of existing product about to peak, it was only a matter of time before AT&T decided to expand their business with odd ideas no other company would dare pursue. This latest scheme would be their most ambitious yet.

"5Gs that is. That's right, my big fake milkers are more than something great to look at. They're loaded to the brim to meet all my data needs. Fast, reliable, secure, they offer everything I could ever ask for from AT&T's top of the line network without having to worry about annoying data caps or getting too far away from my hotspot. It's all right here, everywhere I go."

It wasn't a lie. While her tits were already impressive enough, the company decided to improve them with some hotspot stuffing. Tech guys slimmed it down as best they could to preserve her original splendor, but she had the scars hiding in her underboob to prove their handiwork. Another of the many grave insults to her body from a simple error in not reading through her contract like she should have.

Bad enough on its own. Then she learned its worst feature. One she now had to look into the mirror, smile wide as she could and pretend she loved with all of her heart nestled past her big fat chest.

"But wait, there's more! Not only are these 5Gs nice and convenient for the ladies, recharging their power is as easy as me. All it takes is giving them a little shake."

With a vapid giggle, Milana started shimmying away, sending her tits to and fro in an appealingly hypnotic sway. This moment would live forever. In memes, in ads, her foolishly grinning face paired with her sleazy slutcake boobs and plastered everywhere as an animated GIF for maximum viral spread. She knew it. AT&T knew it. Their audience demanded Lily the tarty strumpet, and a tarty trumpet she would be. Their heft threatened to make them pop out as they jiggled and bounced, curves shifting to part her cleavage, gather them upward and flop them downward, clapping in the middle. When she stopped, she could imagine the heavy groans of displeasure from her many entranced viewers.

"Think this is a gimmick? What if I told you this stream comes straight from my Gs. That's right, I've been milking my milkers for data this whole time! But if that's not enough for you to believe, you can try them yourself. Honest. Next time you see me in public, just connect to my hotspot with the password MILKIES to see for yourself. You can even help me keep it charged with a squeeze, like this."

To demonstrate, Milana pawed a breast with her free hand in her tightest, firmest grip. She couldn't fake this part. A fault in her acting, maybe, but the slight curl of her lip to make it work required real commitment. Idly toggling her nipple through her dress, she finally, mercifully, reached the conclusion of this ad.

She just had to say the words. Harder and harder to get out of her mouth each time, yet she pulled it off anyway.

"AT&T: where my Gs get you more Gs for your phone, more Gs for your pocket."

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