Weijia Jiang quickly shoved it over her mouth and huffed from the filter. The smell already made her shudder with disgust, but she followed through on her due punishment. With the press of a button, aerosol cum shot up her nose for a so called cleanse of her sinuses. It hit her hard this time. Trying not to taste it, she clamped her eyes shut and breathed it deep into her lungs. This fresh layer of semen droplets took only minutes to coat her insides from mouth to throat to the smallest alveoli.
A light beep from the filter as she exhaled confirmed what everyone waited for: her mouth reeked of jizz. That's what the sound meant. It detected concentrations of sperm and then announced when she reached sufficient levels. Her mask's tight seal ensured none would escape. But, as per federal guidelines, she would need to maintain this level for several minutes before she had another chance at the microphone again. Every gasp of nasty air reminded her of the embarrassing executive order that forced her to do it.
It is a matter of public record that this disease originated in China. It is also a matter of public record that Weijia Jiang, in her duties as a CBS News White House correspondent, has unprecedented access to the President and persons around him. The combination of these factors make Weijia Jiang an astoundingly high threat to national security and public health.
On this date, I hereby order that Weijia Jiang must wear a mask for all public appearances. This mask shall strictly adhere to qualities and features as determined by the Department of Homeland Security to ensure she is neutralized as a disease vector.
Furthermore, Weijia Jiang shall follow instructions given to her for this purpose without question until such a time that she may be deemed no longer a threat, independent of any medical assessments. It is from an abundance of caution and great concern for the American people that this decision be made by government officials who have a greater understanding of this order, its intent, and the consequences of any actions taken in relation to it than physicians may have.
The language sounded clinical on the face of it, but Weijia's wooziness from the pervasive stench trapped behind microfiber layers exposed how awful Executive Order 13969 really was. Finally, after another female reporter with a white jacket and much simpler blue mask got her answer, Weijia's filter beeped again for clearance. She had permission. Raising her hand, she leaned up to the fuzzy wind muff and asked her question.
What came out horrified her to the core.
"Me whorey. Ask, why China lady have mask? Keep from sucky. Very smelly!"
She meant for that to be a scathing rebuke of her unjust, and frankly sexist and racist, treatment by this administration. The voice changer ruined it. Cutting words or swapping them out, the tech was far and away too sophisticated to waste on something this petty... but petty was exactly the brand of this President and those in his circle. Liz Mair's new job as a Talking Head proved it. Weijia thought the public nature of her order compared to Liz's case of online streaming would make a difference, but the silence of her colleagues said everything. She sat alone, cameras and eyes trained on her.
Kayleigh, the White House press secretary, leaned into her podium. "You know why you need it. We can't risk an outbreak from letting you in here. As for the other parts... that's your business."
"Me nice and easy!" Weijia protested. "Next say, love you long time. Sick!"
"That's why we had to step in with an EO. If you don't like it, blame yourself or China. Next question."
Having lost this round, Weijia retreated into her chair and watched the rest of the briefing, dreading what headlines about her were surely already buzzing around online right this moment.
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Executive Orders: Weijia Jiang, Sick and Whorey
"Ma'am, why does this administration-"
"PUT YOUR MASK BACK ON!"
Weijia Jiang quickly shoved it over her mouth and huffed from the filter. The smell already made her shudder with disgust, but she followed through on her due punishment. With the press of a button, aerosol cum shot up her nose for a so called cleanse of her sinuses. It hit her hard this time. Trying not to taste it, she clamped her eyes shut and breathed it deep into her lungs. This fresh layer of semen droplets took only minutes to coat her insides from mouth to throat to the smallest alveoli.
A light beep from the filter as she exhaled confirmed what everyone waited for: her mouth reeked of jizz. That's what the sound meant. It detected concentrations of sperm and then announced when she reached sufficient levels. Her mask's tight seal ensured none would escape. But, as per federal guidelines, she would need to maintain this level for several minutes before she had another chance at the microphone again. Every gasp of nasty air reminded her of the embarrassing executive order that forced her to do it.
It is a matter of public record that this disease originated in China. It is also a matter of public record that Weijia Jiang, in her duties as a CBS News White House correspondent, has unprecedented access to the President and persons around him. The combination of these factors make Weijia Jiang an astoundingly high threat to national security and public health.
On this date, I hereby order that Weijia Jiang must wear a mask for all public appearances. This mask shall strictly adhere to qualities and features as determined by the Department of Homeland Security to ensure she is neutralized as a disease vector.
Furthermore, Weijia Jiang shall follow instructions given to her for this purpose without question until such a time that she may be deemed no longer a threat, independent of any medical assessments. It is from an abundance of caution and great concern for the American people that this decision be made by government officials who have a greater understanding of this order, its intent, and the consequences of any actions taken in relation to it than physicians may have.
The language sounded clinical on the face of it, but Weijia's wooziness from the pervasive stench trapped behind microfiber layers exposed how awful Executive Order 13969 really was. Finally, after another female reporter with a white jacket and much simpler blue mask got her answer, Weijia's filter beeped again for clearance. She had permission. Raising her hand, she leaned up to the fuzzy wind muff and asked her question.
What came out horrified her to the core.
"Me whorey. Ask, why China lady have mask? Keep from sucky. Very smelly!"
She meant for that to be a scathing rebuke of her unjust, and frankly sexist and racist, treatment by this administration. The voice changer ruined it. Cutting words or swapping them out, the tech was far and away too sophisticated to waste on something this petty... but petty was exactly the brand of this President and those in his circle. Liz Mair's new job as a Talking Head proved it. Weijia thought the public nature of her order compared to Liz's case of online streaming would make a difference, but the silence of her colleagues said everything. She sat alone, cameras and eyes trained on her.
Kayleigh, the White House press secretary, leaned into her podium. "You know why you need it. We can't risk an outbreak from letting you in here. As for the other parts... that's your business."
"Me nice and easy!" Weijia protested. "Next say, love you long time. Sick!"
"That's why we had to step in with an EO. If you don't like it, blame yourself or China. Next question."
Having lost this round, Weijia retreated into her chair and watched the rest of the briefing, dreading what headlines about her were surely already buzzing around online right this moment.